By Nancy S.
Although I have lived in Egypt for 21 years now, I cannot claim to know or describe the behavior of all 'Arab' or Egyptian men but I can tell you of my experience in dealing with relatives, neighbors, friends and, of course, my own husband.
These are middle class, educated, responsible family men who work hard to earn a living and do their best to care for their families. You can see them taking their children to football practice or swim class and helping the children with their homework.
They respect their parents and it is not unusual to see a guy cooking or cleaning for his aged mother. Most of the women I know are professional: surgeons, professors, teachers, business women, human resource managers. Housewives are usually heavily involved in charity work.
Even though many women have a career, it is the husband's responsibility to pay for all household expenses, if the woman wishes to contribute, that is her choice. Most use their money for personal luxuries, charity or investing in properties and the like. In this sense the man is the leader of the family; however most relationships are based on mutual respect. I don't know any woman who can be described as 'downtrodden' except an American friend whose situation has less to with her husband's culture than his personality disorder.
On a more personal note, my Egyptian husband supports me in all my professional and academic endeavors. He encouraged me to continue my postgraduate studies and takes the children out when he can so I can do my assignments. He shares the care of our disabled daughter in such a gentle way; actually he spent half of last night helping her cough as her muscles are too weak to do it herself. If there was any mention of us having other children, he used to say that we should thank God for the blessing of just having a child, others don't even have that. It was I that pushed to have our second child.
SLACKERS
I am also in contact with wives of Egyptian men who are desperately trying to hang on to their manhood which is compromised by apathy, ignorance and drugs. I have met a number of women who have to work as cleaning ladies or the like to support their family.
Whatever earnings their husbands make - if and when they feel like working on the taxi or minibus - is usually spent on drugs and making repairs to the taxi or minibus. Often the 'man' waits for the woman to bring in the bread and makes a scene if she doesn't provide a hearty meal.
Some, in asserting their manhood, may on a whim tell their wives not to go work even if they have nothing to feed their children. With tears in her eyes, Jehan told me how she searched in market refuse to scrape up some fruit for her children. She sold the furniture - bought with her hard earned money - to pay bills. And where is her 'testosterone' filled guy? Down at a café popping pills.
Interestingly enough, I was recently talking to my Christian American friend, who has been here for 30 years, about street harassment and unwanted propositioning and she told me that it had died down considerably over the years.
I had thought it was because I was dressing more modestly according to Islamic guidelines, but she puts it down to her perception that people in general have become more religious.
A major problem here is that most of Egypt's youth are too poor to get married leading to sexual frustration. It seems that many of them do not heed the following advice of the Prophet: "O young men! Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him."
Subversive elements are at work in all societies; the Arab world is no exception. Corrupt governments keep the masses poor and uneducated, drugs proliferate and the Saudi government promotes a distorted interpretation of Islam that declares birthday parties sinful while their 'elite' go off having wild parties of their own.
Although I have lived in Egypt for 21 years now, I cannot claim to know or describe the behavior of all 'Arab' or Egyptian men but I can tell you of my experience in dealing with relatives, neighbors, friends and, of course, my own husband.
These are middle class, educated, responsible family men who work hard to earn a living and do their best to care for their families. You can see them taking their children to football practice or swim class and helping the children with their homework.
They respect their parents and it is not unusual to see a guy cooking or cleaning for his aged mother. Most of the women I know are professional: surgeons, professors, teachers, business women, human resource managers. Housewives are usually heavily involved in charity work.
Even though many women have a career, it is the husband's responsibility to pay for all household expenses, if the woman wishes to contribute, that is her choice. Most use their money for personal luxuries, charity or investing in properties and the like. In this sense the man is the leader of the family; however most relationships are based on mutual respect. I don't know any woman who can be described as 'downtrodden' except an American friend whose situation has less to with her husband's culture than his personality disorder.
On a more personal note, my Egyptian husband supports me in all my professional and academic endeavors. He encouraged me to continue my postgraduate studies and takes the children out when he can so I can do my assignments. He shares the care of our disabled daughter in such a gentle way; actually he spent half of last night helping her cough as her muscles are too weak to do it herself. If there was any mention of us having other children, he used to say that we should thank God for the blessing of just having a child, others don't even have that. It was I that pushed to have our second child.
SLACKERS
I am also in contact with wives of Egyptian men who are desperately trying to hang on to their manhood which is compromised by apathy, ignorance and drugs. I have met a number of women who have to work as cleaning ladies or the like to support their family.
Whatever earnings their husbands make - if and when they feel like working on the taxi or minibus - is usually spent on drugs and making repairs to the taxi or minibus. Often the 'man' waits for the woman to bring in the bread and makes a scene if she doesn't provide a hearty meal.
Some, in asserting their manhood, may on a whim tell their wives not to go work even if they have nothing to feed their children. With tears in her eyes, Jehan told me how she searched in market refuse to scrape up some fruit for her children. She sold the furniture - bought with her hard earned money - to pay bills. And where is her 'testosterone' filled guy? Down at a café popping pills.
Interestingly enough, I was recently talking to my Christian American friend, who has been here for 30 years, about street harassment and unwanted propositioning and she told me that it had died down considerably over the years.
I had thought it was because I was dressing more modestly according to Islamic guidelines, but she puts it down to her perception that people in general have become more religious.
A major problem here is that most of Egypt's youth are too poor to get married leading to sexual frustration. It seems that many of them do not heed the following advice of the Prophet: "O young men! Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him."
Subversive elements are at work in all societies; the Arab world is no exception. Corrupt governments keep the masses poor and uneducated, drugs proliferate and the Saudi government promotes a distorted interpretation of Islam that declares birthday parties sinful while their 'elite' go off having wild parties of their own.
